The Revenant (Alejandro González Iñárritu 2015)

The_Revenant_2015_film_posterand so anyway it turns out that the best thing about The Revenant (2015), Alejandro González Iñárritu’s bizarre picturesque slapstick epic of wilderness survival, in which beardy absurd terminator Leonardo DiCaprio repeatedly treads on the ends of rakes that slap him in the face as he – always out-bearded, always out-gurned – pursues Tom Hardy through Werner Herzog’s old stomping ground and a maze of try-hard-wannabe allusions to Tarkovsky, is not the indigenous-washing sequence in which Leo’s magical negro is played by a native American indian, nor is it the faithful historical reconstruction of a world without exposure, hypothermia or women, no, the very best thing about The Revenant is the sheer chutzpah of beginning with the line “It’s okay son… I know you want this to be over”…

Revolutionary Road (Sam Mendes 2008)

519vG-uGMGLand so anyway it turns out the best thing about Revolutionary Road (2008) is not all the fucking endless acting cluttering up the scenes in which DiCaprio and Winslet, reunited at last, make you root for the iceberg all over again, but the way in which Sam Mendes takes Richard Yates’s novel – which is, whether by accident or design, neatly poised between a sympathetic portrait of white suburbanites turning on each other as they confront the emptiness of their lives and a devastating satire on these awful, self-deluded pricks who should just hurry up and die horribly – and in the adaptation process to so clearly aim for the former but achieve the latter … well, apart from the bit about devastating satire…